Text

Hi, this is what I’d like to pages Black. And I’m Jim is a message, call me and I’m leaving a message. Cos my manager, talk to you but closing have bag good night bye.

Sorry if I sound weird.  It’s cuz my manager.

Text

Hi chairs of town sister I’d like to hear message, Hey, I’m choosing. It’s a these white Hi Jen, not working. T. We Produce a. I can’t work important your Natalie, Wednesday. He has been informed you, can you please call me back when. Thank you later. Bye.

In fairness, this person WAS leaving a message for the “chairs of town Sister.”

Text

"So  gimme  a  call  when  you  have  a  computer  draft  for  gas,  which  they  can  baby.  Anyway,  I  want  to  know  if  you  want  to  be  up  for  both.  I  was  really  good  rest  of  the  9.  I’m  including  you.  Your  hand  whether  you  like  to  know.  I  don’t  know  where  you.  It  doesn’t  matter  episodes  of  matter  alright,  scalpers  9050  if  we’re  going  to  Vermont  when  you  knew  he  was  in  town  and  Very  says  hi,  and  you’re  a  bastard  for  a  living  so  close  to  never  hang  out  with  them,  and  i  said  look  my  balls."

Thankfully, my next scheduled computer draft for gas isn’t until February 2011.

Text

"Hey Jess, it is single went and if it’s Sarah. I just have a cat on. I’m trying to reconnect we’re at. She worked at 10:22. So if you check this message. Can you have make you call me. Thanks, bye."

If it’s Sarah, tell her I’m completely naked except for the British Shorthair across my chest. Trust me, she finds that sexy.

Text

"Yeah, Hi, Just came from a bar mitzvah just got out of the briss. So I was driving home. Now I gotta be home by water. Well, it works on Country Club aborting there, so I’ll talk to you. After the first quarter. Alright, see you."

No better way to render a bris moot than with a swift abortion on the 18th hole.